My child was recently in the hospital and, as scary as the situation was, I Received a wonderful lesson in Patience and Trust. It was an experience that will stay with me for a long time and the Compassion I gained is something that I would never trade! I saw how much profound and absolute Love surrounds each of us.
Although I am describing an experience I had as a mother, my journey from worry and fear to Trust truly is transferable to anyone who has had a someone they love suffer or something profoundly upsetting in their life or even a simple, yet persistent, uncertainty that haunts, like a worry about the bills being paid. Each and every one of our experiences brings value and an opportunity for Learning with them! Here is what I gained from mine:
Being a four-year old boy’s parent is one of the biggest gifts I’ve ever received. The love and protection I feel for him is so very tremendous that it borders on indescribable. I am Blessed to be the one taking care of him day in and day out but falling ill was not part of my summer plan. Yet, I knew from my studies at Cosmos Tree to surrender my agenda about how it “should” be. Even though my maternal instinct wanted desperately to have my child be healthy… now! My Beloved Meditation Teacher, Dr. Roger B. Lane, who helped me through the whole experience said in a recent Satsang – Spiritual Teaching – that “There is no perfection in the physical world and yet it is perfect as it is.” (“Are You An Environmentalist?”) This is exactly what I had experienced.
Sunday morning my child had tummy pains and by Monday afternoon we were at the ER and talking with the pediatric surgeons to prepare for an emergency appendix removal. I was calm as we carefully took all the necessary steps from filling out insurance papers to making calls to arranging for additional support. I was there for my son. I chose to focus on the Love in the situation; the Love for my boy, thankfulness for the hospital staff, down to the gentle, smiling man who parked my car for me when I drove up to the ambulance ER entrance; the fact that my child was still talking and alert, and that within a few hours we had many friends and family already praying for him.
My son came out of surgery with his expert pediatric surgeon reporting that it was one of the most inflamed organs he had ever seen but that they had caught it before bursting and my son should be able to go home in two days. I was flooded with gratitude and, again, I was calm. Filled with Love. I stayed Present. My following days consisted of changing his diapers, encouraging him to drink water, take food, reading to him and focusing on the Love. Yet my son didn’t show signs of recovery. Rather, he ran fevers that spiked and still had a high white blood cell count, indicative of infection. Teams upon teams of medical staff visited our room with kind but quizzical looks on their faces. They requested more tests and started talking about an abscess and second surgery while my son lay motionless on the bed.
The option for me to be terrified was right at my fingertips. I had every reason to freak out. Yet, the Love and the Learning I’ve had from my Meditation Teacher stayed with me. As Dr. Lane said in the Satsang, “The Democratization Of Consciousness – Part IV,” “Negativity is an easy shot. But we Practice What is called Eternal Vigilance, Which means we are always Aware and Allowing ourSelves to be Attuned. And we’re the policeman and we are at Choice. And at Choice is a powerful thing to be: we are not the victims of our thoughts and feelings. We are not even the victim of our karma. There is always Choice.”
I chose to live this. In my heart I Knew my boy did not need a second surgery. And after well-intended prodding and pricking of my son by the doctors while he was at his sickest, I asked them to simply stop testing. I wanted him to have as much time as he needed to let the IV antibiotics kick in and, in concert with his immune system, allow him to heal without more knife work. At times It was tough to stay focused and calm. I was six months pregnant and doing the same hospital shifts as the doctors and nurses. My heart broke to see him very weak and not eating for days on end.
Yet in the coming week my strong little boy showed significant signs of improvement that grew and grew into markers the doctors could read and then validate that he was getting better with “just antibiotics”. It was a “miracle” from their standpoint. From mine it was a perfect Learning Opportunity. I Learned being Patient from this experience. Even the word “patient” – describing someone receiving medical care, which my son was – perfectly reminded me of the double meaning of being Patient. Being Patient is being Present. “When will this be over?” “When will he be well?” implies that I’m not accepting things as they are and that lack of acceptance is a judgment, which crystalizes the standpoint and keeps it stuck. However, holding steady within mySelf, being Present, being Neutral, Patient and in Acceptance allows things to change and for my ride to be much more enjoyable. I also saw very profoundly how Loved we all are. How Loved I am. And that the Love is always here.
Moreover, the situation was truly Blessed by my Beloved Meditation Teacher’s Presence and Involvement. Dr. Lane put my son into The Light Of The Most High and daily, if not twice a day, called me to check on my son with His continued Love for our family. I know that we were and are especially Blessed and Protected by the Master’s Grace and my experience of this whole thing was wrapped in immense Loving and Grace. This is because of my involvement with the Meditation Center, Cosmos Tree, and because I am an active, devoted Student of Dr. Lane’s. I am eternally thankful. The Love and Grace really does extend to my whole family and my beloved child. My heart still sings praises of thanks.
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