Recently I decided to play a little trick on my four-year-old girl. We were in my bedroom and I suddenly decided to turn off the light and run out of the room as fast as I could. I knew she would love this. I knew she would immediately understand that she needed to chase me and catch me. When she caught up to me she said, with surprise, “Mama, why are you happy?!”
I laughed out loud in horror. My parenting life flashed before my eyes. In a split of a second I realized that the generous, fun and patient parent that I had been had turned into the irritable, resentful and hurt parent I was now most of the time. Her candidness sparked the life back into this moribund parent like a good defibrillator.
What is most remarkable about this experience was that my daughter herself sparked back into life, too. Until that moment, she had been approaching me exclusively for things she needed; and the way she spoke to me had started to remind me of my waitressing days, encountering people who were, what has been cleverly coined as, “hangry”.
What I never expected is that the instant that I decided to be happy she would return to her old happiness, too. I thought she had changed for good. I thought she was now just a cranky kid. She probably thought the same thing of me, that I was just a cranky mother. But it was in a matter of seconds that we were back to the loving place that we both rejoiced in very much.
I remembered that that day I was about to do the same old thing. Collapse in the couch after work and let her watch TV while I worked on my laptop sitting next to her, feeling guilty for this faux time together. Then she would start asking for more and more snacks, yelling if I said “no” to some of the sugary options until we were both exasperated with each other.
But something moved me into altering the course of that day. I switched that light off and ran out to be chased by my little girl who spent the rest of the day tickling me, whispering things in my ear and laughing while trying to squeeze herself into the uncomfortable kitchen sofa with me. I was indeed happy. Like she, I wondered why.
A few days earlier my husband, who tends to be a calm guy, confronted me, furious, about something. He said that if that something were really a priority I would have found a way to do it. I, disarmed, confessed that my priorities were not really priorities. Couldn’t he (and most parents) relate to that?! Needless to say, it’s not easy to be confronted for not doing something for him/us when I don’t do most things for me!
I was angry after this encounter. But something crucial that I have learned studying with Dr. Lane at Cosmos Tree, Inc. is that a person’s upset reflects back to us something we are not accepting within ourselves. My husband was upset, sure, but I also chose to use what I have learned about the projection that was being mirrored. Suddenly I saw my husband as protesting for me; for all the injustices that I have put myself through. I mean, one thing is to not meet my priorities, another thing is to not even consider them as such! So I felt anger but it wasn’t the normal anger that tends to be about blaming. This anger was an energizing, change-the-world kind of attitude that actually felt like love.
With this energy of love disguised as anger, I applied what is described by Dr. Roger Bruce Lane in the bi-monthly publication released by Cosmos Tree as “Spiritual Economics”. This Tools For Living Free says that by giving I actually have more. Only this time I decided to give to mySelf. I figured that I was not doing any service to anyone if I didn’t, in fact, keep my priorities as priorities. This is the point where this decision can become a trap. Doing things for “me” can be problematic if I think “me” is that part that always wants to sleep late, eat sugar, and not go to work or do homework. In fact, those are the things that most of us are constantly giving into and, in my case, the cause of my tiredness and crankiness, etc. What I did was to give to my Soul, Which according to the Teachings of the Path Of Soul Transcendence, is God.
And how do I give to God? “…seek ye first the Kingdom of God… and all these things shall be added unto you.” That is the superpower Tool because there is much I want to do and “so little time”. And trust this skeptical mind of mine when I tell you that time expands with God. I can do everything I want to do when I give to the Spirit that I am and, while I’m not sure exactly how this works, I know that I also have more energy, more clarity of mind, more focus, more love, more joy, more solutions, more abundance, etc. when I tend to Spirit first.
Seek ye first the Kingdom of God means that I put doing Meditation Of The Light Of The Most High first. I put Letting Go first; I put Gratitude first; I choose to Know mySelf as Spirit first. It is also, as Dr. Lane says, “an overall Focus in your life and the Guiding Principle that you live everyday!” It is precisely in the days where I feel like I won’t be able to get things done or when I feel so tired to the point that I actually feel depressed that I start over by reading a Tools For Living Free or do the Meditation For Health And Well-Being and then, quite instantly, I have time and energy to meet my priorities in my life, and marriage, and to enjoy being chased by a sweet little kid.
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