Many, if not most of us, are unconscious when we speak to others. One of these “unconscious” forms of communication is making “nice, nice”. For example, a friend of mine recently asked me to do her a favor and instead of simply asking me directly, she chose to flatter me over and over again before finally, finally asking for the favor. I knew it was a manipulation. It’s a lot like the example of a husband who tells his wife how much he loves her cooking, which can be a Loving and Clear communication, but it can also be a manipulation so that his wife continues to cook for him and to cook for him and to cook for him some more.
So instead of staying in our Integrity, we go with fear and “make nice.” In sum, we manipulate. We also create karma that separates us from the Spirit we are – and for which we are Responsible. In the many seemingly mundane situations in the lives God has given us sit Blessed Opportunities to create Positively and consciously.
Let’s begin with an example given by Dr. Lane, the Founder/Director of Cosmos Tree, in the April 2017 Satsang, referring to what we often do in relationships:
“But many of us we run scared and we make sort of ‘nice, nice,’ which is really hostility because what you’re saying … is, ‘My partner can’t handle that so let me treat them like a baby and I won’t do anything to upset them.’ … what did the Christ, Jesus say? He said, ‘I’m not here to make anyone comfortable.’ … And in our relationships, what do we do? We just go for the comfortable, for the comfortable, for the comfortable, for the comfortable. But I don’t know about you but I get awfully irritated and fidgety at the comfortable, at what’s easy, at what’s ‘tried and true’ and won’t cause anybody to Lift and move or rethink, recalculate, give them an Opportunity to Grow, etc. That’s not how it works.”
In the same Talk, Dr. Lane gives the example of someone who gets “an engagement ring” and then “gives up much … of Who they are”. Sometimes it’s the Spiritual Work they Love. As Dr. Lane says: “That’s false advertising!” Spirit is Who we are and if you Know That This is What you are, pretending to be other than That, especially with someone you purport to Love, is lying; it isn’t Loving. This lie is false advertising.
Years ago I wrote an article about confidence for a women’s magazine for which I interviewed a lot of men. Literally 100% of the time, these men told me that all they wanted was for the women they were dating or in relationships with to be themselves from the beginning instead of “six months later I started to find out who they really were.” These men considered “being yourself” and confidence to be the same thing.
Dr. Lane often gives another example, that of a real estate developer who was asked “how are you?” and replied as so many of us do, “fine!” when in fact, her son had just died. Not long after that response, she broke down in tears.
I know in my own life it was tempting on a recent evening to act like I liked some desserts I was tasting because I knew the friend I was with wanted the two of us to have a fun “girls night out” around these desserts. Because I was Present and in Integrity, I said I didn’t like the desserts. She chose not to have the “night out” and went home.
As Dr. Lane has often explained, we manipulate when we run assumptions; when we’re attached to the opinions of others; when we choose to make up someone else’s “mind” for them.
It’s karma and it separates us from the Spirit we are.
The Solution is to be Present with Spirit. To Focus There. That’s how we are Truly “nice.” To help you do That, Cosmos Tree has many Tools to use including Tools For Living Free “Living In Integrity”; “Being Present”; “Being Present In The Moment” Go There! The Relationships and Communication Classes given by Dr. Lane are crucial for all of us. Check the Classes tab on the Cosmos Tree site for Class postings.
If fear comes up, immediately Focus into Spirit. And/or take a moment and do the Two-Part Release Technique like this: “Lord, God, send me Your Light!” Then, “For the Highest Good, Lord, God, please take this [fill in: negativity; fear; anything that separates me from the Spirit I am]!” Then tell yourSelf “(your name) it’s OK to let it go!”
Choose into Honesty and Integrity moment-to- moment by being Present. It’s the greatest Gift you can give yourSelf – and others!
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